As Tallahassee prepares for a big birthday, it’s time for a new slogan

Tallahassee Centennial Celebration Patriotic Parade Nov. 11, 1924.

It’s never too early to start marketing Tallahassee’s official 200th birthday as the capital city, which happens next year in 2024.

The Tallahassee Historical Society has already formed a Bicentennial Committee to plan for, well, you know, bicentennial things. The official date is March 4. There will probably be cake and punch in the break room.

Tallahassee was picked as capital of The Gunshine State…wait…oh, that’s right…The Sunshine State, got it, because it’s the midway point between St. Augustine and Pensacola. Thank goodness air conditioning didn’t come along and South Florida didn’t grow. The name Tallahassee in its original Muskogean language translates as: Soon the Trees Will Be Gone.

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Oh, yeah, don’t tell the Republican governors or legislators, but the land where Tallahassee lies was taken from the original, indigenous inhabitants. Something most of the state. Just ask Andrew Jackson. But that might make white folks feel bad about themselves and their questionable history, so ignore it. You know, the same as with slavery.

Andrew Jackson, seventh US President.

There was a time when Tallahassee came with its own tag line. It read, Tallahassee: Florida With A Southern Accent. The runner-up must have been, Tallahassee: Just an Extension of South Georgia If You Really Think About It.

In 1915, the Boosters Club asked the populace for a catchy slogan. The winner of the contest was, ready for it, The Hill City of Florida. Boy, that must have worked wonders for tourism. Tallahassee: Where There Are Hills. What a bumper sticker.

Well, the city is about to turn 200 (though it’s much older but keep it to yourself) so we need a new saying. Here are some catchphrases to get the creative juices flowing:

Flags at half staff above the old Capitol, Tallahassee, Fla.

  • Tallahassee: Home of Blah-Haus Architecture
  • Need a Mattress? Oh, We Have Mattress Stores Galore
  • Tallahassee: Give Me Liberty or Give Me Meth
  • Home of the First European Christmas Mass (Near World of Beer Tallahassee)
  • Tallahassee: Is It Hot Here or What? Anyone Else Sweating?
  • Tallahassee: A Drinking Town with a Football Problem
  • T-Pain Is from Here. He Fell in Love with A Stripper Somewhere Else Because Tallahassee Doesn’t Allow That Kind of Thing
  • Tallahassee: Hard to Spell For 200 Years
  • Tallahassee: Sorry About All the Politicians
  • Tallahassee: Rolling Over for Big Money Developers Since 1824
  • Tallahassee: Enjoy the Two Days of Fall and Spring
  • Tallahassee: Rhymes with A Bunch of Stuff. Ask Edith Massey
  • Tallahassee: Will Sell Soul for Mediocre Chain Restaurant Cheesecake Factory and Those Laminated Menus
  • Tallahassee: No One Can Drive Here Either
  • Lawyers, Lobbyists and Football Linemen, Oh My
  • Tallahassee: Gerrymandering the Hell Out of Voting Districts Since the 19th Century
  • Tallahassee: One of The Last Major Florida Cities to Go Underwater When the Glaciers Melt
  • Tallahassee: Yeah, we know. We’re Staying Classy
  • yes You’re Still in Florida If You’re in Tallahassee
  • Tallahassee: Where Political Corruption is a Spectator Sport
  • Tallahassee: Not Disney World. Thank God
  • Tallahassee: Ignore Traffic Lights (Everyone Else Does)
  • Tallahassee: Where Any New Franchised Restaurant Will Be Overrun When It Opens and The Crowds Will Soon Taper Off When a New One Comes Along
  • Tallahassee: Sort of Like Living in a Swamp
  • Ralph Waldo Emerson Called Tallahassee “A Grotesque Place” in 1827. Again, Sorry About All the Politicians
  • Tallahassee: Where the Summer Afternoon Thunderstorms Are Like Being Trapped In Automatic Car Wash
  • Tallahassee: As Seen in the Form of a Question Umpteen Times on “Jeopardy”
  • Tallahassee: What Noise Ordinance? You’ll Have to Speak Up
  • Good Luck Finding a Public Parking Space in Downtown Tallahassee or Near One of the Colleges
  • Tallahassee: Andy Rooney Said It Was the Best-Sounding Name of a City in the USA. So there
  • Tallahassee: Home of Club Publix
  • Tallahassee: Where the Iced Tea Is Pre-Sweetened Beyond Belief
  • George Clinton Lives in Tallahassee, So Make Your Funk the P-funk
  • Tallahassee: Kinda Like Austin but the Traffic Isn’t as Congested – Yet
  • Everything Will Bite You Here. Including the college students
  • Tallahassee: The Beach Is That Way, Dude
  • Tallahassee: Newcomers Should Be Presented with Box of DampRid and Can of Roach Spray
  • Tallahassee: Yeah, We Know What the 22-Floor Capitol and Those Two Domes Looks Like

Former Arts and Entertainment Editor Mark Hinson opens gifts from his colleagues on his last day of work at the Tallahassee Democrat Wednesday, Jan. 2, 2019.

Mark Hinson is a former senior writer for The Tallahassee Democrat. His email is mark.hinson59@gmail.com

The post As Tallahassee prepares for a big birthday, it’s time for a new slogan first appeared on Daily Florida Press.

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